Idk

Ok so I don’t really understand what is going on in my life right now. It’s like everyone hates me all of the sudden. My mom would rather hang out with her “boyfriend” than hang out with me. She doesn’t even like him. She told me herself. She also blames me for her being suicidal and for her problems. It’s not cool. And another thing that has been getting really out of hand is my relationship with my friends. They don’t care about me. One of them has turned into a bitchy high school snob and the other one just continues to use me and take me for granted. I don’t even know why I keep putting up with it. I guess it’s because without her I wouldn’t have any friends.
One last thing that is on my mind right now is this guy that I like. His name is randy and he is really cool. I really like him but I don’t know how to talk to guys. So when I’m around him I act retarded. And now I don’t think he wants to talk to me anymore. I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s almost like a repeat of a previous crush I had a while back. His name was nick and I felt the same way about nick that I do with randy. I don’t want what happened with nick to repeat itself. That would just be awful. I really don’t know what to do.
I feel like a friendless idiot who doesn’t know how to talk to guys and will forever be a loser. I feel worthless and just awful. I feel like a friendless loser.