Recent Entries
I am sad, but in a good way. I just saw the movie “Remember me”, it really helps you to put things in perspective, especially people like me. I should live my life like it is my last day. But why ain’t I? Sometimes it is just hard to change you habits, I am so used to being sad, depressed and alone that I don’t know how to live my life otherwise. I have to change, I need to change because the life I live rightnow isn’t good for my health. And if I would die now, I would have regrets. I would not have experienced life fully.
I just feel so tired all the time, I have the feeling I am very old at least older than the most people who are 18 years old feel. I carry much more responsibility, emotional baggage, as I said before I think to much. Every step I’ll take I’ll think of it a thousend before actually doing it. I am a controlfreak…I don’t care people don’t see me, understand me or think I am weird. It’s just who I am and there is nothing wrong with it. Because I am not the only one who is weird. Everyone feels a little bit weird or out of place but they don’t think about it like I do. I am not your ordinary 18 year old girl… Now about my daily life and not my reflection of it, tomorrow I have dancelessons. I just love to dance, the weird thing is, when I dance I don’t think I just do it without thinking…Today I ain’t sad, I think I am happy. Not because of dancing just without a reason. Strange, I often wished for happiness and I always thought I could reach it with dancing. I am a thinker there is nothing wrong with it but I have to shut it down time to time or I’ll get crazy. I think I am starting to know myself and to see me now it’s time for the rest of the world….