I’m so sad. I spent yesterday with a wonderful, kind man. He’s trying to teach me social manners in a romantic relationship because I had told him I was without experience. I hate having to fight off tears in another persons presence, especially when they keep looking directly into my eyes. He keeps telling me how much he likes me. I don’t believe him but, I suppose it’s nice to hear. I just feel like crying, crawling into bed, disappearing. I hate myself. I’m trying to change into a woman some man would want to spend their life with but, I’m just so stupid, mean to myself, without the developed qualities of a functional adult. Why couldn’t I just die?

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