I can’t remember when’d been the last night I wouldn’t have had alcohol.
I’m drunk again. Alcohol has become my most trusted friend. The only one who is always there to comfort me, to numb me from pain. I don’t want to live, so it doesn’t matter if it’d ruin my body either.
I’m a bit scared if i’ll become alcoholic, but doubt I’ll live long enough to suffer from it. I don’t drink much at the time, and I’m never hung over, but nicely numb and dull. I want to cut myself so deep my scars’d be seen by everyone, in case there was someone who actually cared. But I don’t deserve it. I’m a horrible, selfish person. i’m on depression medication, but i haven’t taken my medication for a week either. i keep forgetting it, so it looses it’s purpose when it’s not regular.
I truly loathe myself. Why can’t I just die and be rid of it all..?

I had to stop drinking - it temp numbs / helps u but if u drink a fare amount more than twice a week - it fucks u up - it is a depressant - u r hating urself & life - I've been there many many times for long periods but trust me - life can be good & u can totally change things around - I came off meds, cold turkey, last year - it really really totally fucked me up - I'm surprised & glad I'm still here - even when I'd skip a couple of days - it really messed me up - u really need to take them consistantly. U can turn things totally around - keep off drink & drugs - take meds correctly - excercise daily - get additional help - be strong & determined.

love, i hope you know the alcohol is just making you more depressed, i think maybe you should get some help before it's to late. i'm starting to worry.

This is an entry in diary 'Wails and Whines', it has been viewed 7 times so far.

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