vivi asked 10/03/2009:
i am tired still have no meaning to life , when i look around and find everyone happy and i am so so sad , i get angry that i even can kill my self , my parent love my brother and sister more then me , i am the only one it working when the others are watching tv or sating on the computer , i worked last night for 12 hours at house and i was caring a lot of stuff for 12 hours when my family was having fun in there life , what i should do about them ? last night i almost die , give me answer
1 answer
Wolfe answered:
It soundslike you’re feeling as though if you’re outting in work for things to go smoothly, then your family & siblings should be doing the same thing right? It makes sense, I feel the same way much of the time when it comes to people I live with or relationships i’ve had. The challenge i’ve faced with it though, is the more that I focus on wishing they’d do more, or share in the work, the more negative I start to feel about it. It was a hard pill for me to swallow, but I found myself wanting my loved ones to feel pain that I had when whenever I thought about pain, the last thing i’d want to do is hurt anyone. It just hurt so damn much I wanted people to know, and I couldn’t get any relief inside my own head.
I’m not sure what processes really went through my head to rationalize it, but somewhere along the way I got fed up with myself. I was sick of hurting and sick of turning my feelings onto myself instead of others so I exploded (proverbially speaking). I remember I was living with 2 room mates and 2 friends one of which was sharing my room with me, she had my couch. All their lives were just hunky dory like they didn’t care about anything or consequence. They used my money, my car, space and never even seemed to acknowledge how hard I was working and studying, I was in school full time too.. so I let em have it. By the next day, my close friend who was sharing my room had left, and so did the other and my roommates from then on were sort of stand offish. That was about 2 years ago.
I’ve remained friends and gotten close with them again since, and I remember talking to them about it after a while. Something that amazed me was that they said they wished they knew how much things were really bothering me, because they were really troubled too. My friends that were partying so hard were plainly confused with their lives and didn’t know what else to do and my roommates were just keeping a good face trying to fit in because they didn’t want to upset anyone even though they were troubled much in the same way as me. All in all, we all felt horrible but each showed it or rather Didn’t show it in different ways. When they kind of stopped talking with me, it wasn’t because they disliked me, they just thought that I hated them because of how I reacted and exploded thanks to all the hurt I was carrying.
I guess out of all this the best thing I can offer is to find a way to just honestly tell them how you feel in a way that’s serious and respectful to them and more importanly to you. Family is a little different than friends and i’d hope more forgiving and caring when it comes to things troubling you. I’d say to find a way to sit them down and have them “give you the floor” so to speak so you can tell them that it’s a painful problem for you and find some way to relate to them that it actually hurts that isn’t explosive in nature. Sometimes people don’t get it unless you can convey that you’re really in pain, i’m not sure how to do that other than to be as serious and poignant as possible, but I think it depends on how you express your own feelings.
Hope this helps,