question by vivi

killing yourself is not the way of giving your life to someoene else….by living you can reach not one but many who realy need your help, support and will cherish each moment of your time and your life you give to them…
visit an old home or an orphanage or a shelter for distraught women…you will find someone who will definitely make your life worth living.

I have asked God for that very same thing for many years, but he decides to let me live anyway. Despite what you think, we were all created for a reason, for a purpose, to touch someone else’s life. You were created out of love. You can create out of love, too. Why destroy something that is capable of so much? Our knowledge has limitless bounds… if all we did was destroy, we would destroy ourselves, then what would happen to those who create? There would be no one and nothing. We were not created that way. The fact that you posted that on here tells me that somewhere inside you, you truely do not want to die, that you want help. We are here to guide you. Talk to us.

I sent this message to another person but I thought you could use it too. I know it’s hard when it seems like you have no one who cares if you’re around. If you live or die. They don’t see or feel your pain, or seem to care about your suffering and agony at all.
Honestly I was in a similar boat as you just a few weeks ago. I would cross the street and hope that a car would hit me so I could just be done with all this misery and pain (the thing that other people call life). I would spend all day lying in bed or on the couch watching tv wishing I could do something but I just couldn’t. I was too down. Too sad. Too overwhelmed. Nothing mattered. Nothing was fun, nothing was enjoyable, nothing even seemed worth the effort of doing it, enjoyable activities, drugs, drinking, nothing. I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. Every morning I would wake up and lay in bed for hours wishing that I could just disappear. Let me backtrack. I had a horrible childhood and have had alot of drama throughout my life. Alot of which I am ashamed of and still regret to this day. My mother was bipolar (although I am not -just suffer from severe depression and anxiety, which i am sure was exacerbated by the drugs, drama, stress, and alchol) anyhow for the last few years of her life (she died suddenly 6 years ago) all she did was lay in bed all day. No joy, no love, no friends, nothing. So I was sure that this was how I was going to turn out too. I saw my mom take a bunch of pills (antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, etc) but still all she did was lay in bed. I also tried antidepressants in the past with very severe side effects and withdrawl. So I was very very reluctant to go that route again. It got to the point where I would say outloud can’t i just die today, I don’t want to live anymore, repeatedly everyday. The few people that I talked to about it didn’t seem to understand or even care. I had tried to take my life in the past but was unsuccessful and suffered legal consequences and humiliation over it so I was hesitent to try that again either. I had to do something because no one was helping me, and I was losing everyone because I was impossible to be around (so negative and just nothing). So I called a outpatient clinic and scheduled an appointment with a counselor. I gotta say the intake questions were killer (all the pain of the past drudged up in my face all in one day). But then I went to counseling an hour a week for three weeks and saw a psychiatrist (my sworn enemy at this point). After and hour and a half discussion about my fears about medication and side effects she prescribed my a very small dose of celexa (antidepressant) and Klonopin (anti-anxiety). I was petrified that I would be nauseous or a zombie but literally within 3-4 days I was my old self again. The productive, normal, person that I was so many years ago (over 7+ years with major depression and anxiety, if not longer maybe 18 years but not as severe). I’m 28 and have been dealing with anxiety since I was 10. Anyhow I’m not 100% better nor am I in any way cured. I hope that someday I can deal with my problems without drugs or alcohol or medication but right now I’m moving in the right direction. I quit using drugs all together (it was a long process and basically i avoid places where they’ll be drugs, plus I don’t have any money so I don’t have alot of opportunity to buy them lol). And I rarely drink (which has truly been a challenge in social situations. I just wanted to let you know that their are tons of people out there just like you who think that life sucks so bad, and is soo hard that it is really not worth the effort of living. But there is also help. Not all people need meds, and not all meds work for all people. But you gotta do something. We only get one chance. What if death sucks even worse than life? Then what. I’m hear to chat if you want. Hope this helps you seek some sort of help for yourself, or if you’re too down ask someone, anyone to help you get help. Stick with it. and if it doesn’t work try something else. Hang in there. I"m rooting for you. I was you…just a few weeks ago.

hello Vivi,
I know how you feel, but being dead won’t make anyone care any more than they do now or don’t now. I am alone in life as you are, i also have nothing in my life that is worth a cent, but death is not the answer, you should maybe look at taking it hour by hour, day by day and then week by week and seeing if something changes.

I hope you stay around awhile longer

you really need some help,..nothing is ever worth the cost of you’re life,.what is making you feel like this…?..money? love? work?…I have previously attempted taking my life as I thought there was no point in carrying on,..I truly hurt my mother, sisters and friends that I believed did not care for me,..the look of fear in my mums eyes will always haunt me,..but do talk to me and I will help you,…its a long time being dead.