FMEE asked 12/18/2009:
Yesterday is the day I found out that I do not care anymore. I found out that I am not getting a year end bonus or a raise (have not gotten an increase in the two years I work their) in fact I am getting a decrease to keep the company open per management. This means the medical benefits are not coming as well. Get home from work and the wife runs out to her company’s holiday party and gets a kiss good bye and out the door. When she calls from the party, I say all is well have a good time, I will see you tonight. She calls one more time when the party is over and says if she is not home in 10 minuets that she got pulled over (she had a buzz going) She did not show for an hour. She walks in the door and yells to me are you mad at me and goes to bed. Check the cell bill this morning and find 125 messages back and forth between her and ex friend that she was sexting back in August. The have stayed in touch all along and she has said nothing but it is in my mind when I had hard copies of the sexting. If not for the little ones I would have left months ago.
3 answers
wilbur horse answered:
we just found out there will be no raises in 2010 , there will be some layoffs , the will be no more PENSION , the same thing happened in 2001-2002 , I got laid off , when I came back the pay was lower , all my co -workers make 10-30 K a yr more than me , some of them I have to train constantly. so at last we are not unemployed right ? it is the same every single year in my business anyway , they always find a way to cut back ,tighten the belt , so I live a simpler life , no vacations to really great places, no brand new plasma screen tv ’s for me….
I hope you work things out with your wife , texting back and forth it is really no big deal but the sexting ouch ! I think i would have left , that is just me , been through it at least twice and I have limits now that when crossed I am ready to leave . so tough when little ones are involved .
HelpMeDad answered:
There are a lot of things I don’t know about your situation, like what the unemployment rate is in your area, what type of skills you have or what work experience you have? If your company is cutting back and downsizing maybe considering what action you need to take before the company makes one for you.
As to your marriage, there are many questions that you might get answered by a counselor or minister, or some other so called professional. If I were talking to my son it would be different, I’d know more about your relationship with wife, both of your value systems, reasons for getting involved, and your family backgrounds.
Sometimes as much as it hurts, we have to take a step back, look at what is happening, who is getting hurt, who will get hurt, and consider that we can’t control what our boss, wife, children etc… will do. We can only control what we do, how we spend our money, time, react to what someone does to us, our children, or our family. One of the things that I tell my children when they are facing a problem or a difficult decision is simple this " Whatever decision you make, will you regret it one, two, five ten or twenty years for now!"
If you can quite your anger, frustrations, and fears (This is not easy, I remember thinking of my children, their smiles, even their sadness in their eyes has help me put things in perspective.)you’ll have less thins to regret. Everyone will have an oppinion of what you should do or say, the reality is it only matters what you do! Getting angry, not caring, yelling back, etc… only makes things worse. If you believe in God, praying might help, but remember this, If Moses didn’t go to the banks of the Red Sea, It might have parted with no one to walk to the other side.
By your question, you seem to have a perspective, you need to step back, define what’s important, consider what you can control, unnderstand what you cannot control, be calm, understanding, ask a few question, and determine what you need to do with respect to your families best interest.
I believe you can do this!
FMEE answered:
I have the job thing under control just bent that I am making less at the same job with no benefits that are in my contract and should have had 5 pay increases to date not a decrease. As for the wife I have sent her love notes, maid secret dates that kids and friend do not know off and still romance and say I love you every day.
Her response was and is I know it is wrong but with my destructive personality what did you expect.