question by N.N.

I never had a lot of things and comfort in the life. I’m disconnected with my family – I never talk with my father and with my brother. I talk with my mother, but very seldom now and only in chat – she lives very far from me. I don’t have a lot of money and no one can help me if I have troubles with it, but only my few good friends. I don’t have a real home. I don’t have a place where I can come back and feel safe. I rent rooms here or there, or stay at places of my friends if I’m out of the money. I live out of my country. I’m 24.

Couple years ago I left my home town and came to EU for studying. There, I met a guy who I love so so much. He is from Pakistan, and he was engaged to a woman who he met only 5 times before (very common practice in his country!). In spite of his relationship status, our differences in culture, religion etc, we fell in love and started to date. It was continuing secretely all these 2 years and brought me a lot of happiness and a purpose in the life. He changed me a lot in a good way. With him I realized one important thing – there is only love that you need to be happy! Nothing else matters. I stopped caring about money and comfort that I didn’t have for last times and that I always wanted to have. I stopped caring about having a home. I was just simply happy with my beloved and he was my home and my treasure. I got used to him too much. He was like drugs.

Until the last moment, I was bearing a hope that he will cancel his engagement. When we were together in EU, he was caring about me, he was loving me and I could feel that. And it made me hope. But now he came back to his country and recently he told me that we can’t be together, that this marriage is his duty, and he does not want to destroy the connections between 2 families. He told me that he does not want to hurt so many people and also to destroy life of that girl that he is engaged to.

On my questions: what about me? He was just apologizing and repeating that I’m strong, I will stand. He also said that we can always talk and be in contact, ‘be friends’ etc…’ I never cried so much. I was feeling lost, empty and betrayed. I don’t have anyone else who loved (-s?) me so much, and he really loved (-s)! Another realization was that he became my whole world. He is my only life. I don’t have anyone else here who could be so close to me, but only him. I feel complete with him, a real person, I didn’t hate myself anymore… When with him, I don’t care about anything in the world – even if problems do exist, they are so miserable. And now, I’m just losing him. I’m sure that after coming back his family influenced and treated him a lot about this marriage. So, I even don’t blame him in anything and kind of understand (or am I just a silly girl?).
We still talk almost everyday in skype, and he still tells me that he loves me and misses me a lot. I’m very confused.. right now it’s difficult to believe him again, but, I think, I believe to his words.

So, the situation is like this… Should I continue fight for my love? Right now it’s the most important thing in my life and he is the most important person. The last thing I could do is to write a letter to his fiancee and tell her all the truth… maybe if she will know about this secret relationship, she will cancel the wedding by herself (though, it’s not for sure… traditions of this country are full of surprised, so you never can predict the people’s behavior). But will it be right to write such a letter? My good friend told me that I have this right to fight for my happiness, but (I don’t know why) I’m feeling a bit wrong about it!
Or should I give up and try not to talk with him at all? Then how to continue without him? It is really difficult to imagine. I just can’t live without him, but at the same time his words about his duty etc are still in my head and hurting my heart! (how could he did it?)… But I’m ready to forgive him for this… I’m thinking about it all the days and nights; and also feeling lonely without him.
Please, I need your advice!!!!